I grew up in a small, conservative, farming community in Ohio.
There was a church on every corner.
There was a video on Amish buggy safety in my driver’s education course.
There was a bimonthly meth lab explosion.
I never would have guessed that less than an hour away from my “dirt road off of a dirt road” a couple thousand dirty hippies were having an annual, weekend, drug infused, orgiastic, dance party in the woods called Summer Dance.
Why the hell didn’t someone mention this to me!?
I would have complained way less about my life situation – pinky promise.
A recap of this year’s Summer Dance:
To Bring:
Water – Keeping the endless drugs circulating through your system is an essential step to not dying.
Ensure vitamin drinks – You’re not going to remember to eat, so this is a quick way to keep your energy up and save money on your twentieth slice of Disco Pizza.
Flashlight – Without a flashlight, you are leaving yourself at the mercy of your tribe and this is lame. I lost my flashlight the second night and was forced to navigate my way back to my campsite using only my wits, my cell phone, and a pack of glow sticks.
Cigarettes – bad for you, so I hear, but crucial because they can be traded for food or supplies, or they can be given away to build good will and spread joy.
Arriving:
Summer Dance is still so grass roots organic that pulling in you’re handed this flyer:
*** Notice to Nelson Ledges Quarry Park Patrons ***
The sheriff is making arrests in the park. Anyone selling illegal substances will be arrested.
Anyone looking to purchase illegal substances will be removed.
We cannot tell you how serious this is for the future of NLQP
Things must improve or music festivals at Nelson Ledges Quarry Park are in serious jeopardy
The subtext of this flyer says:
Seriously guys, this year you can’t just go camp-to-camp selling drugs to one another like Girl Scout cookies.
Try some Finesse.
Ask the person their name first before asking if they have any ketamine.
Ask them where they’re from before you start your sales pitch about the five strains of kind bud you smuggled in.
Ask them how much they love Lotus before clinking your hits of LSD together and cheering to “enlightenment.”
Camping:
Tents – surprisingly comfortable after a night of wandering aimlessly in the woods trying to find drum circles to join.
Peeing in the woods – possibly my favorite thing in the world, but beware of poison ivy in the high grass. :/
The Music! :
Lotus is one of my favorite bands ever, ever, ever! And two nights of those beautiful sounds, played by those beautiful men, with some of my best friends in this world, next to a lake, under a clear, star-filled sky – well… that’s what us simple, country folk call “Perfection.”
Big Gigantic also killed it! Saxophone <3 Gets me every time.
The Ledges:
Gotta jump off of them in to the lake or you’re a loser. By that I mean, at life, you’re losing.
The Sling:
At 3 a.m., my tribe came upon a dub step party in the woods, and above the intoxicated hippie heads spun a girl in a hammock-like contraption. Hands to head, the vibrating masses took turns pushing her, spinning her faster.
A guy comes over to me:
“You want to get up in the sling?”
“You mean that thing?”
“Yeah.”
“Hahahahahahah Noooooo! No! That’s the opposite of something I would ever want to have happen to me. But thanks for asking…”
Who says yes to this? What combination of substances makes this sort of thing sound like a good idea?
“Hell yeah! I love having no control while drunk assholes spin me for fun and refuse to let me down! If I could pick one thing to do for the rest of my life, that would be it! Bring me up!”
Glow stick paths:
Not to be trusted.
The first night, my tribe was trekking through the darkness. We had only one mini flashlight, a light saber, and some light up gloves to find our way.
Ahead of us there was a path built out of glow sticks, so obviously, we followed it.
Off to the left of the path was written “Duck” in glow sticks.
“Duck? What’s that about?”
We look up and around for something to duck under And… PUDDLE!
God damn hippies made a glow stick puddle trap!! Genius!
My feet drenched, but laughing hysterically, made better by the fact that the other guy who was tricked in to the puddle at the same time as me is furious.
“Now my feet are all wet! Everything is awful! I’m so mad about the glow stick path shenanigans!”
Too good.
Yoga on the beach:
Lost my tribe and started doing yoga alone on the beach waiting for them to wander out of the woods again. People started coming over asking to join me. Ended up leading a 30-minute session for eight music lovers who hugged me goodbye and thanked me for spreading the LOVE. Namaste :-)
To sum it up:
Summer Dance rocked my world for the 2nd year running.
Thanks to all who made Summer Dance “groovy”! You know who you are, and I love you all heaps. Duh. :-)
